Dare I say Massage?

Pain is a bitch! I was desperate and had to find somewhere that would give me a massage that wasn't an audition for American Horror Story. You would think that would be easy to find in Asia but it took some doing. Like I said before, you can find plenty of foot massage places and many others that offer Chinese massage (very painful). Many of these have the "happy ending", if you know what I mean. Wink Wink. Needless to say, not for me.

So, I asked my trusted friend Pearl, who is Chinese and has lived in Taiwan for many years, to help me find a place. She asked around and made appointments for us yesterday so she could translate for me and tell them about what I needed. How nice is she!?

I have to admit, I didn't know what to expect after my last massage adventure. Many of you thought I should submit it to SNL as a skit (and thank god there wasn't a camera there to capture THAT craziness) but I knew, the second we walked into the place, that this was going to be okay. No one speaks much English, of course, and they only work on women so no Wink Wink here. They will massage a man only if he comes with his wife. Interesting culture here in Taiwan.

We sat, they served us tea and Pearl explained my back and what I needed. I was handed off to Joy, my masseuse. Perfect name don't you think? She's adorable and doesn't speak 10 words of English. This should be interesting. We went up 2 flights and she led me into a room and pointed to the shower and robe. Then she brought me to the phone and said, "Done, call 20." I guess I'm supposed to take a shower, put on a robe and call when I'm ready. I like!

 Everything was so clean and there was soft music playing in the background. I find it interesting that pretty much every place I've been to for a massage has the same music. It's like George Winston playing by a babbling brook. And why is there always some form of running water in massage music? It just makes me want to pee yet I'm laying on a table and can't move.

The room had a couch and two massage tables. When she returned, she asked me to sit and poured me hot tea and gave me a snack.

Joy spent about 10-15 minutes giving me a foot and leg massage (blissful) before she asked me to lie face down on the table.

The massage was amazing! She worked my body toe to head and really concentrated on digging out some of the bad knots and tension along my spine, shoulders and neck. I sometimes wonder, when someone first works on my back and they see my scars, what they think. I mean, I have scars that form a giant arrow pointing to my butt. No comments necessary, thank you.

At times it was painful but it was a welcomed pain. I haven't had a massage in 3 months and she could have spent another hour on my upper back and there still would have been work to do. I was asked to turn over onto my back, she placed a heated pillow under my head, a towel over my eyes and a heated eyemask on top of that. She then went back to my feet and legs, then my arms and shoulders. This is where it gets interesting. Did you think this was going to be all easy sailing? That is not my life people!

She delicately covered my chest with a towel and folded the blanket so my abdomen was exposed. She then massaged my abdomen. I have never had this done before and I've had about 100 massage sessions. It was an interesting sensation and I admit, I wanted to suck what gut I have in but then realized that defeated the purpose of having a massage and let it all out.  That lasted only a few minutes and then she moved the towel down and proceeded to massage my chest. Now that's a first!! I don't have much there but I've gotta say that this was the most action I've seen in a long time. It was definitely strange having a young woman massaging my chest and breasts. There are so many puns I could insert here like it was "titillating" but it really wasn't.

She covered me up, took the warm eyemask off and helped me put my robe back on. I got dressed and near my clothes was a little box that wasn't there when I put my bag there. Is this for tipping? Is there something I'm supposed to do with this? I had no clue! I took out some money and put it in the box. You have to understand, this is a "No tipping" country. You don't leave a tip when you eat out, when you take a cab or when you do anything. I figured this must be what it's for and it was so discreet I almost missed it. 

I walked out and down one set of stairs and there was Joy and the other two women who work there and they invited me to sit in a little sitting area. Pearl joined me and they brought us each a plate of food. No joke! We both were served this local yogurt that had brown sugar and millet sprinkled on top. Delicious! I was served a bowl of fresh fruit that included melon, papaya, pineapple, apple, currents and more and a little warm muffin. Pearl was served a fresh veggie roll and another type of muffin. The food was individualized based on what they noticed about our bodies. This was served with piping hot tea that had lemon grass and some sort of mint. I felt so pampered and nurtured by the whole massage and I was served dinner too!

The three young women sat with us and Joy asked Pearl questions about me and my scars. They proceeded to make a plan for my next visit. From what Pearl translated, they want to make a special massage oil with lavender and ginger and other essential oils that will target the muscles and bones in my body. They also suggested I drink only room temperature water for the next 24 hours and use hot packs on my back because I was going to be sore for a couple of days. 

Here's the best part....well, not the best but a definite bonus. The whole thing cost less than $50!!! 50! She told us that because it was our first visit, it costs $400NT less than usual, which is about $12 US. So regularly this massage costs about $60 AND if I purchase 10 they remain at that lower price. Hell yea! I booked my next appointment  and told her it will take a few to get my back in working order again so she'll be seeing a lot of me for a while. I also told them I'll be taking all of my visitors there so prepare to be pampered when you visit me.

The whole process took about 2 1/2 hours and was such a wonderful way to end my day. I am so grateful to Pearl that she found me a place and I can tackle this body issue. And no dealing with any Wink Wink happy ending.